she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
