Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
