I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
