Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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