I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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