I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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