he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
