Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
