he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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