Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
