I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
