why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
