I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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