if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
