I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
