Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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