I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
