bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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