How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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