What a fucking waste of an outfit
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
