Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
