So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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