So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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