What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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