Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
