need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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