So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize