And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
