apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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