Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
