If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
