so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
