the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
