Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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