We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
