M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
