you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
