what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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