oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
