this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize