I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
