The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
