Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
This baby is an asshole
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
