Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
