whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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