Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
