So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That accounts for only three of the penises
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
