im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I want to fling myself into the sun
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
