thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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