i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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