Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Did I show you my penis last night?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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