So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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