The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
