I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
