My boss' voice literally gives me gas
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
