sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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