Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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