saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
