I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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