I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Randomize
