i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
