i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Found your dick twin last night
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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