Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
