I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
