3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
