Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
