And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I forget how to act sober
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
